It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Houston, we have a blender
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
