Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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