Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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