i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
