maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
