I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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