The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
