note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
