I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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