It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
