Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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