Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
