It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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