Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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