you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
