Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
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just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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