dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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