she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
