A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
