What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
