I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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