If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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