Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
a search helicopter?!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
