dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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