my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
