just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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