I will die if light touches me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
