I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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