Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
