true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
