I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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