dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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