do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
