i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
