i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
