btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
