Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
