I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
