I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
