I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
