listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
