This is not my ceiling
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
