hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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