Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
