I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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