Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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