at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
