so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
