Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
