If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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