Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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