I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
