Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
