We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
