doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
