Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
