Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
