Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
