i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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