When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
