At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The air was thick with penises
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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