I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
