Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
