She announced her abortion via fbk
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
