her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
