Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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