whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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