the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
