i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
