I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
