my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
