First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do herpes really smell.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
