This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
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YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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